I Am Lost. I Have Gone to Find Myself.

“I am lost. I have gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.”

~ Author Unknown

I would love to say that life has been too busy, and while it has been busy, it hasn’t been that busy. I would love to say that I’ve had writer’s block and not one word would make it from my brain to my fingertips. That would also be untrue. I would really love to say that I’ve been out of the country on some really mysterious adventure that involved intrigue, romance, amazing food, and exotic locales, but anyone who knows me would find that excuse completely laughable. No, I can use none of those excuses as to why there has been no blog post since the fall of 2016, but I can honestly tell you why.

Two words: Writer’s fear. Yep, that’s right. I’ve not been suffering writer’s block so much as writer’s fear. I’ve been terrified for the last few months to put fingertips to keyboard to write another blog post out of sheer terror. Instead I used the holidays, cooking, family visits, and the like as an excuse NOT to write. The volume of my writing cowardice concerns me. I’ve been more worried about judgment than I have with my original goal.

My original goal was to write something that helped, entertained, or informed someone else in a positive way. I try to stay away from bashing anyone because I feel that only creates a pattern that someone else will reciprocate. I believe in holding on to my beliefs while letting other people hold on to their beliefs. I cannot change what someone else thinks, and I would never attempt to force someone to see things my way. However, I have a very strong opinion that no one has the right to change my beliefs either.

On that note, the current political and social climate in our country frightens me, and I’ve had great trouble putting a positive spin on things in my own mind. I’m not taking up for one side or the other as my beliefs tend to be somewhere down the middle of both main parties, but I do believe in freedom for anyone to think or say what they believe whether I agree with them or not. Nonetheless, I find myself living in fear from the repercussions of BOTH sides of the spectrum. Will I be too liberal for some and too conservative for others?

Probably.

The last several months I have attempted to hear people out on both sides of the political spectrum, and while I cannot agree with everyone, I have slowly come to understand why some people pull one way and some people pull the other way. The one thing that concerns me is that I no longer feel that I live in a country where I can say what I believe. I feel like I can only think what I believe, or someone will be rushing to court to sue me over the fact that I don’t see things his/her way. When did it become okay to sue someone because they don’t believe what you believe? Please don’t misunderstand and think that I am approving prejudice. Never!

All I know is this. There are a lot of people who feel that they are right about what they believe, and they will be damned before they let anyone disagree with them. The problem with this attitude is that you can’t force people to believe what you want them to believe. Remember the old saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink”? This is a completely valid point in a lot of situations. Now I’m not saying to stop protesting or expressing your First Amendment rights because that’s exactly what I’ve been doing out of fear for the last few months. What I’m saying is that you must let others do the same. The moment we encroach upon the rights of someone else we open the door to the same treatment for ourselves. What I have witnessed in our country lately is a lot of angry individuals (on both sides) set on making other people see things their way. Intolerance is not what I’ve always felt our country represented, and it’s a dangerous path for us to find ourselves on now.

The reason that I write this now is because that fear has kept me from writing over the last few months. I know that the online world makes it easy to anonymously (and cowardly) attack another person. I could be fearful or apathetic and choose not to write, but I don’t want to cower down anymore and give in to the fear of hate and its evil. We’ve seen that happen too many times in history when good people didn’t speak up for the rights of the weak, the abused, the abandoned, and the defenseless. I have often avoided serious and heavy topics in the past because I wanted to bring something lighter to the table, but we can’t avoid the serious and the heavy in our daily lives if we’re living at all. Therefore, I won’t avoid the topics which I feel like I need to write about, and I’ll let the chips fall where they may while hoping the good people respond in kind and knowing the cowards will probably rise to the anonymous occasion to attack. At least I have warned myself.

No longer feeling lost…and ready to WRITE ON!